My Old Roommate is Awesome

Please, please, PLEASE read this blog post my friend Drew wrote.  He is hilarious.  I mean, REALLY hilarious.  This is his little gem pertaining to the SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS!


Rocket Shoes: A Love Letter to the San Francisco Giants


Thanks Drew.  I love you, and your shoes.

GO GIANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want the San Francisco Giants to win the World Series so badly.  Not as badly as Lee, or 99% of my male friends, but, I mean, pretty badly.

GOOOOO GIANTS!!!!!

This is Not What I Was Envisioning

I know one thing for sure.  Most things NEVER go exactly as you plan them.  Because people are not machines they tend to do things like change their minds, or throw up, or pee-their pants.  Well, I guess those are the people that I hang out with all day, but a similar logic can apply to most of the general population.

Today was full of things going the opposite of how they were envisioned.

Number 1
It was Crazy Sock Day at school, and no one loves a theme party/ spirit days more than yours truly, so OF COURSE I went to Target and bought these little beauties:

(My previous collection of crazy socks was purged during the cohabitation efforts.  

Apparently Lee wants room for his socks too.  Jerk).

I wore these socks to work.  It just so happens that Crazy Sock Day overlapped with The-Superintendent-of-Your-School-District-Comes-to-Watch-You-Teach-Day.  Normally, this would not be a big deal, as I feel like most people (superintendents included) think Kindergarten teachers are insane anyway, and so they somewhat expect oddities like frizzy hair, praying to nature spirits, or crazy socks.  (Only the sock thing applies to me, and sometimes the hair, depending on the humidity, whoops, side track...)

So there I was, teaching up a storm, and with precision timing my principal and the superintendent walked into the room right as one of my students wet her pants (on the rug) and started to cry, prompting all the other kids to do some variation of screaming, yelling "EWW!" or running for their lives.

That's not how I envisioned my first meeting with the superintendent.

Number 2
This weekend we FINALLY got a rug for our living room (thanks to Christi Black for the early Christmas present!) and we FINALLY arranged the furniture in a way that makes our living room feel like a real living room.  FINALLY. :)  It involved a lot of pushing, swearing, heavy lifting, and general discontent...by Lee.  My job was to say whether or not I liked things where they were.  Lee is nice.

 Hooray for THIS angle of the living room.

We had everything placed juuuust so, only to discover that the unfortunate placement of the 1940s floor heater.  I have learned that floor heaters designed in the 1940s are the most dangerous thing anyone could ever encounter, as they reach temperatures of about one million degrees.  Something that hot cannot have furniture near or straddling it, even if it is not directly touching it, or else it will incinerate. This has lead to the current placement of our TV.

My solution is to leave it over the heater. 

Maybe we'll just never want heat?

This is not how I envisioned the feng shui of my living room.

Number 3
When I got home tonight Lee said, "I feel like cooking!  What if I make steak for dinner and then bake cookies for dessert?"  To which I replied, "Aw, man!  Can't we just have left-over Chinese food?"

That is not how he envisioned my response to him cooking dinner. 

(Also, don't look a gift horse in the mouth much, Robin?)

 At least I have this cool bike.

And it's exactly as I envisioned.

Red Ribbon Week/ How to Talk to Five Year Olds About Drugs

It is Red Ribbon Week at my school. Red Ribbon Week is an anti-drug campaign that aims at promoting a drug-free life style to school children.  Everyone in the school participates by decorating their classroom door with something red, and taking part in spirit day throughout the week.

Today I had the task of explaining to a group of 5 year olds (half of them, in their second language) all about Red Ribbon Week.  First I was asked, "Why do we have to wear red?"  I tried to explain that the color red is reminding everyone that we are never going to use drugs.  That seemed to go okay, so we moved onto what drugs actually are and why shouldn't use them.  I did my best to give a stellar explanation, which included a pantomime smoking routine, and then I asked some follow up questions to check for understanding.  The answers are as follows:

"Why shouldn't we do drugs?"

"We will die."

"We will throw up then die."

"We won't breathe anymore."

"Because we are wearing red."

"What is a drug?"

"Smoking is a drug!"

"Kids drinking beer is a drug!"

"Cucumbers are drugs!"

This lady may be an addict.

So, the conversation went exactly as I expected.

If You are a Teacher...

then you should watch this video.  It is DEAD on.

Seinfeld Teaches History

I laughed so hard.

Upsetting News

Something is eating our tiny pumpkins.

 What?  It ate all the way inside!

This one seems to have only cosmetic damage.

I've gone through the usual range of emotions: anger, denial, bargaining, and now acceptance.  But what could it be?  I seriously have no idea.  Who/what eats a tiny pumpkin?

Jessica Hall Turns into Jessica Burns

 Jessica is married!

It is so exciting.  Jessica has been my friend since we were in Seventh grade.  We got ready for dances together in middle school, got dressed up to go to prom together, lived together in college, lived together in San Francisco, and Saturday I got to be her Maid of Honor in her wedding.  What I'm saying is, we've had some awesome milestones together, and I was so happy that she and Ryan invited me to be a part of this one as well.

I was a regular paparazzo at the wedding, and I tried to capture as many moments as I could on the trusty Nikon.

 Keely was quite the trooper

That took a while.

 Good thing you are drinking that champagne because two hours from now your hairstylist is going to start all over.

 I know, I know, I can't believe that girl from Teen Mom is broke either!

 The bouquets were beautiful!

 A little pre-wedding snack

 Zipping...

 Zipping...

 Ta da!

 Take a picture of her hair and show her how it looks!

 So happy!

 Blaine Hall could not be cuter.

 And his daughter could not be prettier.

 Trolley ride to the church

 Mr. and Mrs. Norrell came.

Eric was sporting a fresh tatoo.

The Mrs. was none too pleased.

 Married hand.

 Keely and Nicole made the hottest of totties on the trolley to the reception.

Jessica has hit the sister in law jackpot.

 I mean, the Cliff House is BEAUTIFUL.

 So is Liz.

 and Katie

 Getting married makes you hungry

 Eric, Communion is over, you don't have to cross your arms like that anymore.

 Cute

 Clearly, Kristy is hilarious.

 Oh, hey Lee!

 The Hall sisters

 

Congratulations, tiny friend!

The following is an account of the most important incident of the day.

During the actual ceremony inside an actual Catholic church in the middle of actual Communion an uninvited guest entered the building.  No one noticed him at first, but it didn't take long for us to realize that the homeless man who had aimlessly wandered in from outside was not personally invited.  To his credit, he was very quiet and polite, and all he wanted to do was participate in Communion, which he did.  Twice.  

First he tried to receive the host from Father Xavier, but he would only give him a blessing, not the Communion wafer.  Thinking on his toes, the homeless man went around the pews and then got in the line where Ryan's father was passing out the body of Christ.  Mr. Burns was nice enough to give what he came for, and then the man did a few more confused passes around the church before he crossed himself and silently slipped outside.

Of course, all of us in the Wedding Party, perched on the altar with a perfect view of what was going on below, were trying not to lose it.  I was biting my lip, looking at the ground, and I tried to imagine a ventriloquist dummy (my number one fear) so I wouldn't laugh out loud.

Kristy Norrell tried to capture the man with my camera.  If you look just to the left of Lee's face you can see a dark outline of a person sneaking down the aisle towards the exit. 

I think it's fitting that we were only able to capture his outline, as we was gone just as quickly as he came.  From now on I'm going to refer to him as "The Shadow."

The Good Rehearsal and the Bad Rehearsal

Weddings require a lot of rehearsals.

The festivities kicked off on Friday with a trip to the nail salon, lunch, the Ceremony Rehearsal, and the Rehearsal Dinner.  The nails and the lunch were went off without a hitch, and I think their efficiency lulled me into a false sense of security when it came to the Ceremony Rehearsal.  Let me be clear, everyone in the wedding party and all of the accompanying family members were WONDERFUL!  Kind, supportive, encouraging, a really great group of people.  However, I can't say the same for Pat, the wedding coordinator  (tyrannical wedding overlord?) from the church where Ryan and Jessica had their ceremony.

I think Pat was displeased right from the start, as the actual start of the rehearsal was delayed due to a combination of traffic, large trucks, and out-of-towners.  She kept giving us all disapproving glares from behind her very official clipboard, and she spoke in hushed and judgmental tones.
"Make sure you keep six to eight pew lengths between you and the others!"  She hissed at us as we practiced walking down the aisle.  All we could do was nod our heads and avert our eyes in agreement, not wanting to anger her and risk receiving more dirty looks.  We filed into the church, linked arms, bowed to the cross, and followed the steps with expert precision. 

It was Mr. Ryan Burns, the bravest of the group, it would seem, who dared to cross her.  He decided that the Bestmen and the Maids of Honor would not stand opposite each other at the altar for various aesthetic reasons (These reasons, as it turns out, are just one: I'm a lot taller than the Bestman).  Well, Pat COULD NOT handle this change in the program.  She went toe to toe with Ryan right on the altar, explaining to him that the bestman ALWAYS stands on one side, and he NEVER stands in a different spot.  The conversation ended with Ryan refusing to budge and Pat shooting everyone a dirty look as she spat out, "Well, we'll see if it works."  Yikes.

I spent the remainder of the rehearsal with my eyes forward, not wanting to risk the wrath of Pat.  Also, there were no pictures of all of this because I was so paralyzed with fear I didn't feel confident in operating a point and shoot camera.

*Note* The change in position concerning the Bestmen did not, in fact, ruin the entire wedding.
___________________________________________________

We went from the church to the Rehearsal Dinner.  We ate at Home, this great restaurant in the Castro right up the street from Ryan and Jessica's (and my old) house.  There were lots of introductions, lots of food, and an open bar.  A GREAT success. I took three pictures, which was a better turn out than at the Ceremony Rehearsal.

 Katie and Danny

 Liz and Darren

Lee and Robin

And Saturday, was Game Day

(For the Giants too!)

Friday Afternoon

Friday was so crazy!  I was in San Francisco for my friend Jessica's wedding (more on that later), and Friday turned out to be a whirlwind of manicures and lunches and relatives and friends and hugs and babies.
My friends Rebecca and Bill were so nice enough to let us stay with them, even though they have a two month old baby! He is super tiny and super cute.  Here's how my time with them went:

 I had oatmeal and banana milkshakes with her

 Then we went home and ate lemon blackberry treats

and I snuggled this super cute baby.

His name is James.

Sometimes he looks like ET, but not so much in this picture.

Also, I managed to make it over to my old school, Paul Revere, where I worked for three years.  Wowza, what a homecoming!

If you ever want to feel like a celebrity you need to do only these few things:

1. Become a teacher.

2. Work at the same school for three years

3. Go work at a new school

4. Return for a visit to your old school, and prepare for the onslaught of screaming.

It was wonderful to see my old coworkers and students.  The kids were darling, jumping up and down, hugging me, hugging each other, and (of course) I got filled in on some very important gossip.  (This blog is not privy to such gossip).  And I even got a tamale from a parent, free of charge. 

We Went to Halloween

Yes, so Pumpkin Farm, Round Two.

Explaining to a group of students that don't understand a word you say that we are going on a field trip to the pumpkin patch is HILARIOUS.  One kid shouted out, "We're going to Halloween?!!?!" Which was close enough, so I told him yes.

The day really was so so great!  All of the kids were incredibly well behaved, the bus was on time, the Pumpkin Farm is really well organized, and I had some awesome adults (including Lee's mom!) helping me out.

 Christi was great at making sure no one fell out of the hayride. 

 The ride was so beautiful.

 Near the end of our trip I told the students it was time to pick out pumpkins.   When I was little (yesterday) I used to spend a ridiculous amount of time looking over every pumpkin in order to locate the most perfect one.  The Pumpkin Farm is equipped with about a million pumpkins, and I wanted to make sure we made it back to school before dark so I set a time limit.  I told them they had exactly six minutes to choose a pumpkin.  I thought I was so clever, making sure those kids didn't spend hours scouring the patch, and, just like always, they made all my plans for not.  When I said, "You have six minutes...go!" They all bent over and grabbed the nearest pumpkin, then swarmed towards me like sharks to raw meat because I was the one holding the sharpie that would write their names on the pumpkins, making them theirs forever.

 Christi caught some of the swarm on camera.

 Yeah, I like to wear my backpacks in the front.

Way to go guys.  

Now it's time for juice.

Garden!

Before Lee and I moved into our house we asked the property manager to remove this really ugly bush out front.  Well, Lee suggested we create an elephant topiary, but I suggested that it get the axe.  It got the axe.  So, we've been living here for two months with this gross dirt plot right next to our front door.  This weekend we FINALLY got around to putting some plants in the area, and I couldn't be happier with the results!

Tra La!

I know it doesn't look like much on the blog, but, trust me, it's breathtaking in person.  Or, maybe it's just better than a dirt plot.  In any case, that Irish moss is supposed to grow together, which may (or may not) look great.  Also, those pots were 50% off.  Win!

Frightful Family Fun

 I wanted to visit The Pumpkin Farm before I took my class there on a field trip, so Lee and I loaded up all of our...well, Starbucks, and headed out to the farm.

I LOOOVED The Pumpkin Farm!

There were pumpkins, there were animals, there were strange, strange scarecrows, there was a band of old men playing "We're From the Country" (sort of Nevada County's anthem).

I mean, they had a few pumpkins.

 Also, there was corn.

 And a fatty pumpkin

 Look at these monsters at school.  

I know what you must be thinking:

 Why is that pig studying Investments?

 Like I said, lots of pumpkins

 Francis?

 So, more of these

 These scrap people were cute.

 This one was a little slutty.

 I diligently searched for the perfect pumpkin

 Found!

 Also, Lee had great success.

 We will take seven of your over-priced pumpkins, Thank you.

 I'm like the Bob Ross of pumpkins.

 Eh, maybe not

 Success!

 I love the Pumpkin Patch.  

I think I'll go again tomorrow.

*Note* I did not come up with this post title all on my own.  This is actually a genre of movies available on OnDemand right now.  I cannot watch Halloween movies under the "Halloween Moviethon" collection because I am a huge baby and refuse to watch anything scarier than The Addams Family.  I'm still working up the courage for Corpse Bride.