Monday, December 19, 2011

Elf on a Shelf: A Horror Story

A terrible thing emerged several Christmases ago called 

Through some facebook sleuthing I discovered that these awful puppets have become somewhat of a staple in the homes of small children every holiday season. The whole scheme works like this: A FOOTLESS puppet enters a home sometime after Thanksgiving with direct orders from Santa to keep an eye on the children.  Every night this borderline peeping tom will magically fly back to the North Pole where he will recount the day's events to Santa.  Santa then uses this information to scribe his Naughty and Nice lists, while parents have an entire month's worth of discipline that involves pointing to the informant elf and crying,  "I hope SANTA doesn't have to hear about this!"

As someone who has an irrational fear of puppets I am NOT a fan of the Elf on the Shelf.  It scares the crap out of me.  Take a look at this!!!:

 Ahhh!!  So scary!! No feet!  Creepily peering around doorways!!  Ahhh!!

I do not have children, but I would like to have some someday, and this Elf on the Shelf business is really making me reconsider. The thought of a FOOTLESS elf sneaking around my house at night is positively terrifying. Now, I KNOW that the parents are the ones who actually move the elf, but I would always second guess myself if said Elf were ever out of my sight for more than 30 seconds.  No one can guarantee what those puppets are doing when they aren't being watched.

I'll admit I'm intrigued by the whole behavior management angle.  I have visions of TWENTY little elves hanging from my classroom projector with their frightening eyes staring at each students' chair.  But, I'm far too creeped out by their painted faces and lack of feet to actually ever go through with it.

However, there is some good news!  A Christmas miracle, if you will.  While browsing the internets for ways to protect myself from elves without feet I came upon this little gem:

This is so great.  A mother decided to hold a contest to see who could create the most hilarious inappropriate elf picture. (Within reason!  All the photos are PG-13...ish).  I encourage all of my friends and family members who have an elf to participate.  You can even win an Ipad 2!

Happy Holidays everyone! 
Lookout for those elves.

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