I Am a Novice Master Gardener

Somehow I have become the Garden Coordinator at my school. I maintain that I was tricked into doing this, but it has turned out to be a good trick, as I actually want to learn something about gardens.

As the Garden Coordinator I am in charge of maintaining our newly built school garden beds, of which there are two.   As of today the beds are over run with various pokey looking weeds, toys that preschoolers have thrown inside, and cat poop. I didn't plant anything in them after they were installed in October because winter was coming! And everyone knows you can't grow anything in a garden during the winter! (This previously held belief of mine has since been remedied due to the Internet and a couple of First Graders. Winter Lettuce?! Who knew?!)

My principal found out about a training for school garden coordinators and I jumped at the opportunity to go. I was convinced I would walk out of the training with answers to some of my most burning gardening questions such as: “Where do I buy dirt? What is mulch?” and, “Which plants are least likely to die due to neglect?”

Boy, I couldn't have been more wrong.

I entered a room filled with people who know -like, really know- a lot about gardening. And plants. And dirt (referred to as "soil" by real gardeners).

Our first task was to introduce ourselves and report on our experiences with gardens. Other people were "Master Gardeners" and "docents" and "Princesses of the Gardening Universe who invented the term soil,” or something like that.

I introduced myself like this:

"Oh, hi, I just wanted to say that I am SO impressed by all of you! I thought this workshop was for people who don't know anything about gardens, but you guys know everything! I was tricked into being the Garden Coordinator at my school. Oh, also, there seems to be a cat poop problem in our garden beds and I think the pre-schoolers are actually playing in the poop, and that can't really be healthy, so I guess I'm wanting more information about that. Getting rid of the cat poop, that is. I don't really need more information about the nutritional value or pathogens in cat poop. I'm sure it's bad; they are disease carriers!"

That stellar introduction coupled with the outfit I was wearing (dress, floral sweater, gold tights, black flats -so cute!) really set me apart from the other overall-wearing, garden boot stomping Master Gardeners I was going to be spending the day with. I was easily the person with the least knowledge in the entire room, and the only one who rolled in with a giant Starbucks cup. (So bad for the environment -cringe!)

The school that hosted the workshop had –get this- THREE different gardens, TWO different compost piles, a BUTTERFLY PAVILLION, and A SCIENCE ROOM! I couldn’t believe it! It was like the Garden of Eden, but in a downtown Sacramento school, also: zero naked sinners (from what I could tell).

It made me feel inadequate and hopeful all at the same time. Hopeful because I see the possibilities for school gardens, and inadequate because, well…cat poop.

The day actually ended up being a wonderful experience. I got to make apple cider from scratch, compared lettuces, learned about compost AND vermicompost (worm compost), and found out about a ton of great funding sources. Plus, I pretty much dominated the last hour of the day by barraging all participants with an endless assault of questions. Most were about cat poop, but a few were about peas and watering cans.

Now that I am armed with vital information and cat-deterring knowledge (chili flakes, forks, and some sort of rabbit fence, if you need to know) I’m ready to start our school garden.

Stay tuned to see how the peas and carrots turn out! (For real, I’m going to have the kids plant peas and carrots).