Onion: The WORST Secret Ingredient

This Valentine's Day my coworker Rebecca and her husband, Bill, had a few people over for an Iron Chef-esq type competition. Everyone threw the names of secret ingredients into a hat; however, only one was chosen: ONION. Every single dish in the competition had to feature onion in some way. While I do like onion, I like it sparingly, and I have never eaten six courses all completely devoted to a plant that makes you cry AND smell bad. While I would have opted for some other secret ingredient, I was a guest, and was not about to cause a stink.(Pun intended)
The evening was a outrageously fun. There were pots boiling, onions flying through the air and falling on the floor, and lots of wine being consumed. I received the wise words from one of the "Head Chefs," "Do not be afraid to bruise an onion!" I nodded in understanding, as I was just a lowly sioux chef, and listened to the words of the resident Onion Master as I attempted to caramelize about 50,000 onions at once. Time was not something any of us factored into the event, and we were still eating well until 1:30 am.
When it was all said and done my team emerged victorious. While our onion pudding with whipped cream nearly blew it for us during the dessert competition (it was seriously the worst thing I had ever eaten), what our dish lacked in actual edibility it made up for in presentation, something that our drunk judge Katie seemed to really appreciate.
Iron Chef was a hilarious experience to say the least, one that definitely carried over into the next day, as everything that I wore to Bill and Rebecca's house now WREAKS of onion. I mean, I smell like the back of a taqueria in the Mission, and not even one of the good taquerias, more like one of the super shady we-always-fail-our-health-inspections ones. Looks like tomorrow is laundry day, big time.