Sunday, September 25, 2011

On Narwhals

   My Earth was turned upside down on Saturday night when I discovered that narwhals are not, in fact, mythical creatures.  For years I had them categorized in the same group as unicorns, yetis, and the chupacabra.  But no, as wikipedia has informed me: Narwhals are very real, and they are swimming around in the arctic ocean RIGHT NOW!
   This brings up some pretty serious questions for me.  For instance, if they have those giant horns sticking out of their faces what kind of turning radius can they possibly have?  It's a good thing they have an entire ocean to turn around in.  Also, what do they do if they get attacked from the side?  My very basic knowledge of physics tells me that they would probably not be able to get that horn pointed in an effective defensive position in enough time.  Finally, do they like shish kebabs, or ring toss?
   According to wikipedia, they don't even use those horns for hunting!  What a waste!  It seems they are mostly for show, like a male peacock feathers or a lion's mane.  This news is kind of disappointing, considering once I discovered the validity of narwhals I instantly pictured them chasing after other sea creatures and harpooning them with their horns.  Sadly, they do no harpooning, from what I can gather from wikipedia, my most reliable source of information.
   Oh, and it turns out, the "horn" is actually a "tusk."  So, it is the worst snaggle-tooth ever.

I have so much to think about.

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