My Uncle's Wake

My Uncle Rudy passed away last week, and while it wasn't a complete surprise (he had been pretty sick) it is still so sad for everyone in our family. However, my family is not one for funerals; instead, we have wakes. That means instead of formally going to a church after someone passes away, we go to someone's house, barbecue, and drink boxed wine.
While I was attending my uncle's wake yesterday these are some of the statements that I overheard:

My father: "Oh, yeah, Johnny's old wife. Jean, Jean, The Adultery Machine."
My uncle: "She was kind of loose, wasn't she?"


My cousin: "Okay, who else wants to see the new baby's webbed toes while his sock is still off?"


(During a portion of the wake where some of my cousins had removed their shirts to compare their various tattoos)
Me: "Umm, Jesse, is that a swastika tattooed on your middle finger?"
Cousin Jesse: "Yeah."
Me: "That is disgusting. You need to get that covered up with something else."
Cousin Jesse: "I will! I just need to find someone who will laser it off for cheap!"

There was also a portion of the afternoon where one of my uncles revealed to some of my cousins and I a sampling of the XXX porn he has stored on his cell phone. He thought it was funny, but I'm pretty sure we are all scarred for life.

RIP Uncle Rudy! At least you went out in style!